A shift in the course

Here I am, freshly 22 years old, and I have just lost my first job. I applied to a faith-based rehabilitative home several weeks ago after meeting with the Lord in prayer and crying out for leadership. What settled in my heart was working in this group home in Roanoke. I worked it over in prayer and silence before Him, wondering if I was sensing His leading or making things up. I researched, called, interviewed, applied, visited and made plans to move down there to learn and serve the brokenhearted in a program built on structure and love working with young girls who have struggled with life-controlling problems. There I would begin this seedling vocation and grow. A new season, of fresh perspective, living with my dear friend Eleiah and sensing and therefore trying to embrace a release from this city and a call somewhere else.

This time a year ago, I said that I wanted to go deeper than I’d ever gone before, so much so that when I pulled away however it looked (leaving DC or just transitioning out of school here though it remain my home) it would hurt because the depths to which I had loved, hurt, learned, opened were real.

I went there, some by His leading which is blessed and sweet; and some by my own blindness and naivete, which is broken now and healing.

I let my heart sink deep into this calling, to work with these girls and be hands used by Him to tend to the hearts and minds of His loved ones. And yesterday, I believe in obedience to the Father, the director denied me the position at this time. My bundle I’d been carefully putting together ready to tie and take up for the next couple of years was suddenly untied and the sticks once close and formed meaningfully are now unraveled slowly.

I belong to Him, so I am not lost. I just have to find the way.

To the truth I’m clinging:

For God is not a God of disorder but of peace. 1 Cor.14:33

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD;

he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases. Proverbs 21:1

There You Are by Carolyn Arends

I was hoping you would write to me a message in the stars

As if the stars themselves were not enough

And I awaited your arrival here from some place very far

As if I couldn't feel your constant touch

Why did I think that you'd send thunder

To wake me from my slumber

When anytime I open up my eyes

There you are - loving me like crazy

There you are - though I am unaware

There you are - when my heart is doubting

Even there you are

I was waiting for a miracle and hoping for a sign

As if each breath I take is not a gift

And I was acting just as if the way you gave your life for mine

Didn't have my foolish heart convinced

What did I think could cause this hunger

Did I ever stop to wonder

Why every time I open my eyes

I was hoping you would write to me a message in the stars

As if the stars themselves were not enough